The other day I was at my parent’s having dinner and we were discussing something about pregnancy and having children. And I said something like, “Weren’t all your pregnancies easier with each one?” My mother looked at me like I was crazy and laughed, exclaiming that they weren’t.
My pregnancies and births haven’t all been exactly the same, but there have been similarities too. You can’t know until you’ve had more than one, obviously. But as a general rule of thumb, you can bet that your pregnancies and births will be more different than the same.
Are All Pregnancies The Same?
So how ARE all pregnancies the same? The sperm and egg get frisky, growth happens, you feel like you’ve never felt before (and never want to feel again), and then the baby gets out of you-one way or another. That’s how they’re all the same.
How are they all different? You could right a book about it. But apparently, What To Expect beat you to it. It seems that every other mother you encounter has the same things going on each time with her pregnancies.
℘ I know a gal that had three children. Guaranteed for some unknown reason, she had them all premature at six months along.
℘ I know another wonderful woman that endured terrible morning sickness every day through the entire length of her pregnancies.
℘ A third lovely lady kept quite petite and never seemed to have trouble with bloating and feeling like a whale the entire time.
You Don’t Often See The Differences
It’s those differences we don’t usually see. Like the mother who has some sort of complication with her second child. Or the mom who just feels plain different because the gender of her baby is one she’s never carried.
You may have the same exact experience every time. But it’s likely that you won’t.
℘ I have yet to meet a mother who can say that she did feel the same every single time.
℘ I have yet to meet a mother who can say that she gave birth the exact same every single time.
It just doesn’t happen.
Our bodies are carrying a distinctly unique little being within in each time. With that comes different:
- genetics
- activity levels
- neurological developments
- personalities
- health susceptibilities
- physiological interactions
And we react and respond to all of these thousands of differences uniquely each time. Sure, you may have vomiting every day until 12-ish weeks along with each baby. But that doesn’t mean all your other symptoms are the same.
How Your Experiences Will Vary
You may exercise the same way and practice your relaxation or birthing techniques the same each time. But you’ll always end up with different lengths of labor and delivery experiences. My own mother had four clearly different births with all of us children. Most of it was based upon her decisions, but also her circumstances.
The same will happen for you. There are many things that will possibly cause variations in your care:
- your doctor
- where you birth
- your mindset of experience
- your labor progression
- methods you choose
- the people who surround you
You may have the exact same birth plan, the exact same doctor and hospital or midwife and care center. But things will NEVER be the same.
Does that frustrate you?
Sure, it’s a pain accepting the fact that even though you’ve been there done that at least once already, something will always be different. So you work yourself up over little things that you try to pay attention to-how you feel, your bodily functions or what not. When all it does is get you on edge sometimes.
What Happened For Me
I’ve said before…I always thought that I would experience things just like my mother did. Now I’m sure glad I didn’t. Here’s the best way that I can summarize all three of my pregnancies and births with how they differed and stayed the same.
| Symptom | Baby #1 | Baby #2 | Baby #3 | Same? |
| Gender | boy | boy | boy | Yes |
| Morning Sickness | none | none | none | Yes |
| First Trimester | felt like I had the flu, but really didn’t | not much | just really tired | No |
| Other Illness | never got sick | had the worst cold of my life | four typical colds, and the stomach flu (how I overcame them here and here) | No |
| Ultrasounds | swollen kidney | nothing abnormal | nothing abnormal | No |
| Second Trimester | felt fine | felt fine | felt fine | Yes |
| Baby’s Activity | big kicker | lots of hiccups | pretty mellow | No |
| My Exercise | elliptical, Bradley exercises | hiking, stairs and walking | jogging, strength training | No |
| My Energy | would exhaust easily | okay | much better than ever | No |
| Skin | dry skin rashes | dry skin rashes | dry skin rashes (other skin changes) | Yes |
| Bloating | yes | yes, more so | yes, too much | Yes |
| Cravings | potato chips, deli meat | potato chips, chocolate | potato chips, chocolate | Yes |
| Braxton Hicks | in third trimester, distinct and hard | around 20 weeks, distinct and hard, non-stop during stress | around 20 weeks, distinct and hard, more toward the end | No |
| Third Trimester | feeling like a cow | feeling like a cow | feeling like a cow | Yes |
| Pain | sharp ligament pain here and there, tailbone hurt | pressure and pinching on my bladder, hip joints aching | left pelvis strain, pubic bone strain | No |
| Heartburn | poppin’ antacid like candy | not too bad, mainly striking in the middle of the night | much less than before | No |
| Sensitivity to Heat | would sit on the A/C vent daily | pregnant during winter, so no big deal | not really an issue this time | No |
| Incontinence | had to go commando once because of an accident | little squirts here and there | not bad at all | No |
| Swelling | around the ankles | around the ankles | around the ankles | Yes |
| Early Labor Signs | none | low period-like cramps | false labor multiple times, cramps, hard and more thorough braxton hicks | No |
| Dilation Before Active Labor | 1 cm | 4 cm | 3 cm | No |
| Weeks at Dilivery | 39 | 38 | 39 (one hour shy of due date) | No |
| Length of Labor | 11 hours | 7 hours | 2 hours (a precipitous labor) | No |
| Labor Positions | sitting back in bed, standing | sitting up in bed, walking | walking, on hands and knees | No |
| Interventions | manually broke water, local anesthetic at perineum, vacuum extraction | manually broke water | none | No |
| Pushing | hard for over two hours, baby got stuck in birth canal | focused for half an hour | mostly waiting until the end of crowning, 5 minutes | No |
| Baby’s Position | posterior | posterior | posterior (what posterior means, here) | Yes |
| Tearing | third-degree | third-degree | first-degree, one minor upper tear | No |
| Recovery | super sore, muscles like jelly, painful bowel movements | burning, mastitis infection | quite easy, little itching | No |
Let’s tally that up, shall we?
- 9 aspects the SAME
- 20 aspects were DIFFERENT
We could round that off and say that only one-third of the time, I experienced the same things with each pregnancy. Technically, it’s less if you want to be really statistically anal about it.
In Summary
The point is that the only thing to truly expect is the unexpected. What you see from those other moms is not the entire story. They’re not going to share every single detail about their lives with you. Hopefully, they won’t offer and you won’t ask, just out of social decency.
But having never been there and back a few times can cause a bit of worry. I understand. When I got pregnant the second time, I figured things would be the same, no problems, I had it made. Then when my third pregnancy came I realized that anything could happen, and my anxieties came back just a little.
But choosing to be educated about the possibilities and preparing myself against the ones I didn’t want became standard in my life. It can be the same way for you too. Just make the decision.
Here’s My #1 Recommendation For You
So the point of all this? Even when something happens the second, third or just next time around that you didn’t want, take it and know there IS someone out there who has experienced the same. You are not alone. Don’t be afraid of having different pregnancies and births.
They’re ALL beautiful. How have your pregnancies differed or stayed the same?
Remember, you can do hard things.
**This post may contain affiliate links. They allow me to keep tons of content here completely free because of your support. See full disclaimer for more details. Thanks!
ariefw says
Hi Sarah.
I have to agree with you that all pregnancies are not the same.
We only have 1 child but comparing our pregnancy with others, we have concluded that our pregnancy was unique.
There are some common problems, but it seems that every story is different. Some mothers easily can breastfeed for months even up to 2 years. My wife can only breastfeed for 6 months.
But it is all fine. Each pregnancy is totally unique.
You’re quite right, Arie. How each mother and family experiences pregnancy are so individual, it’s impossible to compare perfectly any two situations. Thanks for your comment!
qrs1986.rq says
Thanks for putting such detailed information about child birth here. It really helps people who are about to go through it get more prepared. Hopefully it could also help people who are scared of it get a better picture and change their minds as well. It’s funny you said “feeling like a cow” in the third trimester is common among your three pregnancies..
A cow, whale, beach ball….NO ONE feels skinny when they’re pregnant. 🙂
I do have a post specifically for those that are looking to overcome fear of childbirth . But realizing all of the variations of experiences sets a better understanding of the entire journey for new mothers, absolutely.
Thanks for your comment!
christian wijaya says
Hi Sarah. You have great post, although I am a man, but I feel interested with your post. I think Pregnancy, this word is really magic word. If you have married, than you should be happy, but the problem is you and partners has not married yet. In our culture, if you and partner has not married yet, than it could be very very big problem, for example, if the woman still in university, the lecture will kick you out, or if the woman has working already, her boss will kick/ fired her. Anyway, Sarah, great post. I shared to my wife already. thanks
It IS a magic word: pregnancy, family, childbirth, baby are ALL magic words. Thanks for sharing with your wife, Christian. Have a good weekend!
simon says
Wow a great thought provoking post about differing pregnancies. Obvs I’m a man and do not know to much about the subject but I truly and honestly found it a good read I really did. You’ve got good pics and a great table to illustrate your points and leave the readers relating to it im sure. Good job hun well done.
I appreciate your kindness, Simon. Please share and let me know if you ever need help with anything, thanks!
Ananomyx says
your site is very informative and has changed the way I view natural births. If me and my wife ever have a baby I will know exactly where to direct her for more information! Natural births seem to be a lot better for the new born and like you explain it may be hard…. but can be done!
I would love to help you and your wife when the time comes. Just let me know when, thanks!
Great post! ‘Expect the unexpected’ seems to be a very accurate mantra when it comes to multiple pregnencies and ‘knowing that you are not alone’ applies as well.
Every couple my wife and I have hung around with over the years and going through their pregnancies has this same experience of them not being the same!
I personally was a proud father of two girls, and yes indeed there were similarities, but many differences as well. The creating the pregnancy was even different lol,
After our first, my wife was still breast-feeding and I was ignorant of that fact that a woman can get pregnant during this period! Well guess what? She got pregnant less than two months after having the first!
An interesting post and comforting for all readers who have been asking this question and you present the answer well here! Thanks!
You’re quite right, Dave. Breastfeeding is NOT a great form of birth control. Some women can forgo monthly planning or birth control while breastfeeding. But many have their period return within a few months no matter what, breastfeeding or not. Seems like after you had two so close together you were done? 🙂
With having my boys all 18 months apart, that’s been too close to for me almost. We’ll see what happens now. Thanks, Dave!
Another great post Sarah! I found your table of personal experiences with each of your pregnancy really interesting, thank you for sharing it! That’s good to know that every birth is different, even for the same individual - I think being aware of this would definitely lower stress levels for pregnant women!
Anything to lower the stress levels, right? 🙂
Thanks, Jolie! I’m glad for the feedback. Is there anything you may have questions on or are looking for? I’m here to help and love the company. Best!
Lokw says
Hi Sarah,
Wow! it ‘s really great article and your post impress me a lot. Prenancy would be a big topic. Even I don’t have kids, but I could feel your happiness with your sons and your husband. Although looking after your kids is always not a easy job, as having 3 kids mother like you, I believe you must be happy and enjoy with it. right.
Oh, there are hard days for sure. But that’s true for everyone’s life. I wouldn’t take back having my children for anything. They are my joy and my husband and I love them dearly. Thanks for your comment!