Isn’t potty training such a hassle? You see those book titles and articles about parents that were able to potty train their child in a single day or something. Is that even realistic? What is the best way of how to potty train your child?
My Way Of How To Potty Train Your Child
In my experience, potty training in two days is a NO, absolutely not.
When I gave birth to my third boy this last year, I had three children in diapers. I wanted that to change. I had a few months of maternity leave, so I set to work on getting my oldest son out of diapers.
Oh boy, what a journey.
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It started out with just asking him the general questions about if he wanted to use the “big boy potty”, literally showing him how it was done, and encouraging him to try.
I was even reading to him from this little book about how a boy named Henry learned to use the potty.
Nope, he didn’t want to.
Soon, he learned that his cousin who was a few months younger had a potty. Then things were different. He wanted his own potty.
So we went to the store, he picked out this little throne potty that actually played a musical “ta-da” when it was used, and eagerly set it up.
He would sit on it. I showed him how to pull down his pants and diaper so that he could use it… nothing.
No success.
I tried taking him to the potty frequently just to try and time it right so that he needed to go while he was there. No luck.
I started to get a little frustrated, but I didn’t let the matter become frustrating. He wasn’t completely ready, so I didn’t push it hard at all.
It came in tiny, incremental steps for a few months. He would be interested in using it, successfully go, I’d encourage. Then his interest would dwindle and he’d stop trying, he took the easy way out.
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So one day I took him to the store and he got to see all this awesome big boy underwear with spiderman and minions on them. I even let him choose which ones he wanted. But, I said we could only get them when he started using the potty without a diaper.
That seemed to help. I didn’t offer any other sort of incentive. I don’t believe a child should be bribed or convinced to complete a normal physical function with candy or treats. I focused on the reward of not having to wear a messy diaper that would hold him back.
I don’t believe a child should be bribed or convinced to complete a normal physical function with candy or treats.
Gradually, things seemed to work. Then one day, that’s all he wanted to do—use the potty, even when he didn’t really need to go. So we got him the awesome big boy underwear. He loved it!
Of course, it wasn’t all perfection from the start. Maybe three times I found that he had messed his pants because his focus was elsewhere, like on playing or eating.
I never scolded. I just introduced the idea that he could “hold it.” It was rather cute. He would suddenly perk up, say he needed to go, then run up the stairs saying, “Hold it, hold it!”
At first, he needed some help, of course, getting situated on the toilet just right. Wiping after number two took even longer to teach properly.
Sure, we had a few accidents. At first, he was only okay with going pee in his potty. Poop was another matter. Once he got up to come find me and say he’d gone pee, but the poo had left a trail behind him. 🙂 It happened.
From start to finish it took probably six months to get my son fully potty trained with no assistance. How’s that compared to the two-day miracles you read about?
Every child is unique and different. We cannot expect ours to turn out exactly like another simply because we use the same technique in teaching, the same reward system, or the same psychology. I don’t expect your kids to potty train exactly the way I just did. Hopefully, yours will be MUCH quicker. 🙂
Here’s What I Did
In a nutshell, these are the things that I DID do to train my boy:
- continuously encouraging him
- ask about using the potty multiple times a day
- show the benefits of using the potty and not a diaper
- show him the right way to do it
- let him make decisions about the whole process
- read stories and find other examples of his peers doing the same
What I Did Not Do
I don’t believe teaching our children how to do something completely normal should come with certain restrictions or rewards.
- give him treats or bribe him
- force him to use his potty or go without a diaper
- disregard his feelings about the process
- decide this needed to happen quickly
- make him run around bottomless
- corner him at the bathroom for long periods of time
Our children are perfect just the way they are. Even if they don’t live up to our adult standards just yet, showing love and appreciation for the progress that they are making is huge to them.
Take it slow. Validate their feelings and actions. Show love and support.
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How have you potty trained your kids? How did you do it? I want to hear your frustrations and successes!
Remember …
You can do hard things.
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Sarah, I never wanted kids but I do have a couple of amusing tales for you. Shortly after I was born mum and I joined dad in Aboso Ghana. We had a house maid from the nearby Ghanaian village. Now the Ghanaian absolutely love their children and I quickly became a proxy one. And because of this they hate to see children crying, uncomfortable and the like. So when mum started potty training me and I was getting uncomfortable the Ghanaian closest to me would quickly clean me up. My mum thought I was the smartest, quickest and best trained potty person she had ever seen! Unfortunately she caught on so things quickly changed.
My second tale is of a friends son. He trained reasonably well but continued to have accidents for a few years. As he slept in the top bunk his brother was often heard to complain of being drenched!
Cheers
Helen
Oh gosh! That poor boy in the bottom bunk. 🙂 You would think that he would demand to sleep on the top bunk after all that. Did it go right through the mattress? That’s probably one of the funniest potty training stories I’ve ever heard. LOL
I love how all kids learn differently. I have a 3-1/2 year old who is not night time trained, but is otherwise trained. She was a “nightmare” to train, but it wasn’t entirely her fault. The first time she showed interest, I let her decide day to day, accident to accident, if she wanted panties, diaper, or nothing. If osmeone was here, she could only wear nothing if there was a dress on her. She almost always chose naked, then peed in my floor. She wasn’ tready even though she hid to poop and asked for a new daiper everytime she peed. It stayed this way for 5-6 weeks. Then, my son who was only 3-4 months old landed himself in the hospital and she went to my parent’s house. The second time we tried potty training, I felt confident she knew what to do. I made her try every 20-30 minutes, but seh didn’t have to stay there. All she had to do was sing the alphabet wtih water running and she could get up. She eventaully didn’t care and enjoyed the song. If she peed in the potty, we got lucky. This went on another 3-4 months. Then, I finally just took her daytime diapers away at just over 3. She had no choice. and I wouldn’t change her wet panties or pants, she had to do it. She started holding her pee and only peeing at nap and night. I oculdnt’ do that to her. It iddn’t matter how much she drank, she held it. So I started m&m’s on the potty. && sweet frog for pooping. Now I have a 10 week old, and she is only not nighttime trained. She’s been working hard to train since Feb-Mar of this year, but she poops in the potty and pees with few accidents.
We can never know what our kids will do, can we? Thanks for sharing Kaitlyn. I do agree that some kids really do need that incentive of a candy or treat. Glad things finally worked out for you!
Agree it really varies by child! My first took a good 8 months - my second had about three accidents after we said goodbye to diapers and is completely trained before 2.5! They really have to want it!
Hi Jasmine. I also have a 2.5 year old and he’s a little eager about the potty, but not quite there. He loves his diapers. But I’m sure hoping that he’ll be fully trained much sooner than his brother did. 🙂
My son took a while to get it. He was over three but I am happy that is behind us! One down, one to go!
Ditto! Thanks Emilee 🙂
Really a great post. My older one was self-trained and it took me sometime to train the younger one.
Wow, self-trained! How does that work? I’m hoping my younger ones will go quicker because they have an older brother that does fine now. Thanks, Aish!
Potty training ugggh. My daughter was easy, I showed her and a few days later she announced she was going and that was that. My two boys were stubborn and I honestly begged at one point.
Hi Heidi. I did have a moment myself when I held him onto the seat so he could see that pooping there was just as fine as peeing. He wasn’t hysterical, or else I wouldn’t have attempted that. He was totally okay and realized immediately that this could definitely work. 🙂