I know this is a bit off-topic for this site. But sometimes when we have an experience that teaches us a distinct lesson, it needs to be shared.
This weekend while we played at the park as a family, I learned how to play with your children the worst way possible.
How To Play With Your Children The Worst Way
It’s not as confusing as it sounds.
My husband was sitting on the grass with our baby while also playing with our 3-year-old as he ran around in the grass shooting at imaginary ‘bad guys’.
I had been walking along the path that circled around the entire park and playground with my 20-month-old, holding hands. He wanted to just walk and toddle along instead of go down the ‘scary’ slides.
I was grateful to just be out of the house and in a peaceful fun setting after being cooped up for six weeks with a new baby.
As we were walking back toward the playground, there were a few other moms with their children also playing. One seven-month pregnant mom was lounging on her blanket resting while watching clouds with her daughter. Some others were playing on the merry-go-round along the edge of the path.
We neared the merry-go-round and I noticed a few little girls standing atop it. One little girl, maybe four or five years old with curly blonde hair was standing up. She kept politely and nicely calling to her mother to “look at me, mommy!”
It’s the common phrase we hear with our children because they want our attention, our approval, and our validation with the feelings, abilities, and joys they’re experiencing. Yet this mother did something quite unexpected.
The mother that the girl was calling to had a distinct scowl on her face and frustration in her stance. The mother yelled back at her daughter, loudly, rudely, and with much irritation: “I can’t watch you; I’m looking for my phone!”
That little girl was quiet after that. I pulled my little boy out of the way as the mother huffed past, glancing at the ground.
The Worst Way Is Not Playing At All
What did this mother do? She:
- belittled and disrespected her child
- demonstrated that an object was more valuable to her than her child
- taught her child that she was not important or worth the attention
Of course, when you lose something valuable like your phone or car keys, it’s understandable to have some frustration boiling up inside.
℘ Maybe this mother had a terrible morning. She was still in her pajamas, actually.
℘ Maybe this mother was dealing with something far worse than just a lost phone.
I certainly want to give her the benefit of the doubt. We’ve all been there in moments when we let our tempers flare over things that don’t really matter in the end.
- But can this one act of upsetting anger toward her daughter over a lost piece of plastic change their relationship?
- Is the outburst worth the hurt that was caused?
- Can’t this have been handled another way?
We’ve all read the stories and blogs about people so focused on their screens that they lose all sense of presence in their life, even at the expense of their children. I’m not going to dwell on it.
There could have been other solutions to this situation.
- The mother may have suggested her daughter help her look for her phone-make a game of it, hide and seek. Just something to also show involvement and attention to her girl still.
- She could have more calmly expressed her feelings of needing to find her phone, validated her daughter’s request, then moved on with no outbursts.
The worst solution is not playing with your children at all. Or even pretending to play when your attention is really on something else-like your phone.
Resolve To Do Better
When you held your baby close or played with them on the floor, were you focused on your cellphone?
Did you let your baby cry and be alone in their playpen endlessly while you gave attention to ‘more important’ things on a screen?
I doubt it.
So what changes as our children grow older? That’s a discussion for another day.
But just promise me this:
Keep your love and focus on your children, your family, and your joys-or you may lose them. I’m resolving to do better.
If you lost your child, would you be too busy with your phone to look for them?
We don’t need more people in this world lacking in the love and attention they deserve. Thus why we start at the beginning with a natural birth; because we want to give the best of us for our children.
Here’s My #1 Recommendation For Your Natural Birth Preparation
Please comment and share your thoughts. What would you have done?
My goodness. I can just picture a crushed little heart. I know I’ve been guilty of thoughtless words sometimes. It hurts to think back on them. I hope this mother took the girl home and snuggled her tight in bed to try to make up for it. Thank you for the reminder! It is always a good thing to have.
When I find myself speaking the way I don’t want my child to hear me, I’ll usually catch myself, hug him and apologize right then so he knows that even mommies make mistakes and say things they don’t mean sometimes. It can be SO HARD. I like to think that this mother of course has her daughter’s best interests at heart; if she didn’t, they probably wouldn’t have been out on a nice day at the park in the first place. Thanks, Heaven!
Wow! I could hardly believe a mom would say that to a child. It is not something she can unsay. I know we all are human and all have bead days, but I try to think before I speak. Somehow what we value has changed fro relationships to cell phones. I am glad I am not that way. I forget to turn mine on half the time. I would rather spend time with my children since they grow so fast. I hope more mom’s read and learn from this.
I hope so too, Kristie. When I’m home for the day I usually keep my phone in my purse and quiet until after the boys have gone to bed, unless I’m expected someone important to call. On the other hand, if I find I’m saying something that I personally wouldn’t want to hear, I’ll try to always apologize and show love to my boys. Thanks for your comment.
Hi Sarah,
Great and very recognizable article.
I think this is a problem of our age.
I don’t have children but often get the remark that my phone is more important to me than the people in my life.
Obviously this isn’t the case but I do understand the perception other people might have.
The Mother shouting to her child when she just wants some kind words are inexcusable though.
It are little things like this that the child might not forget for many years to come. She might have had a bad day but that’s no excuse to me.
Great website, keep it up!
Hi Tom. You’re quite right that in certain situations just having a bad day is no excuse! Who’s the adult here? I hope the definition of adult is never lowly as many seem to be in the future. If we cannot always give kind words, we are fostering terrible relationships with our children. We have such influence on them that we have to always take things from their perspective too. Thanks!
Very interesting website. Things have come so far since I had my children. Wish some of the latest information was available back then. Very good website, well written and done very well. Easy to navigate. Your first hand knowledge is great information for all soon to be parents. Keep up the good work. Good luck to you and much success. Deanna
Thanks, Deanna! Please share with loved ones.
Hi Sarah,
Your article is very touching the heart, at least mine:)
I have two beautiful children and I would like to tell you that I am not a perfect mom, but I’ve never yelled at my children when they asked me for attention. I don’t judge this woman, because as you said it in the article, maybe she was dealing with something more serious.
I think we all, us, moms, had the same experience.Sometimes I feel bad about this and sometimes I say to myself that it’s not so rude finally.
Of course, I am trying not to do this and if I do, then I do it nicely.
However, paying attention and give love are the most important things we can offer to our lovely children.
Thank you for this awesome blog
I’ve had moments too when I’ve raised my voice just out of endless frustration, but never yelling. I had friends growing up that had parents who yelled and I never wanted to be that way. But then shortly after, our children often do something so cute that we can’t help but laugh. Thanks Daniella.