A common result of giving birth for many mothers like you is torn tissue on your perineum. A strong rip right through your vaginal opening and muscle that can go all the way to her anus.
It ain’t pretty. There are stitches, swelling, itching, let alone pain. But no one tells you about the sharp, lip biting, tear suppressing pain you get when you try to have sex.
It doesn’t matter if you wait the typical 6 weeks (as the doctor claims is okay) or 6 months before get active in the bedroom again. It will still hurt.
Related: Is An Episiotomy Worse Than Tearing?
Scar Tissue Issues
What happens is you have scar tissue that has formed where you tore. And that scar tissue is not flexible at all like the rest of your tissue down there. Your perineum is super flexible as the opening of your vagina. Your anus is a sphincter that stretches well too, as you know.
But scar tissue does not. So when you attempt to stretch it with vaginal intercourse, it’s like trying to rip it open all over again. This is why most mothers who have torn once from giving birth, end up tearing each and every subsequent time, usually on the same scarred area.
Afterwards though, when all of the labor and delivery endorphins are gone, it hurts like hell. And sex is never the same. You can take it slow, gradually getting your scar tissue used to sex again, but it takes MANY months of painful tears.
Related: Sarah’s Third Natural Birth Story
The Usual Alternatives That Don’t Work
Your doctor can recommend a few things like:
- just gritting through it with patience
- keeping your tissue moisturized
- apply Vitamin E cream or oil
- cutting out the scar tissue and sewing a cleaner wound to create a smaller scar (this one is ludicrous and just creates the problem again)
- perineal massage
It’s just that none of these things really helps much at all. They really just get you used to the pain, and hope it diminishes over too much time with lots of consistent unhappy bedroom activity.
Related: Earth Mama Postpartum Recovery Essentials
Try This Simple Trick
So what in the world can you do? I suffered with this problem for years until I was expressing my frustration to my new midwife. I was pregnant with my third baby, and she suggested something that ended up changing my life!
She gave me a free sample of feminine hormone cream. I dabbed it on my scar tissue every other day, and it ELIMINATED my pain. We had to not have sex until I stopped using the cream, because she said it would not be beneficial to get on my husband’s particulars. Made sense.
And it worked! Since then, I’ve never had that sharp pain during sex like before. Incredible! I was amazed at how my doctor never mentioned it or knew anything about this option.
Ask Your Practitioner About This Hormone Cream
I apologize for not remembering the medical name of this cream. My midwife just called it “hormone cream” and that it was clearly made with feminine hormones.
So, if you suffer from this problem, painful sex from tearing and scar tissue, ask your care provider. Tell them my story as if I were your sister and made the suggestion. It’s worth a shot. And I promise it’s worth asking!
You should never have to suffer during sex when there is an option. I would love to say I have an alternative option with essential oils or something like that. But this is a case where a modern medical solution won the day for me.
- Describe your problem to your care provider.
- Ask for a sample of hormone cream to apply.
- Use it for a few weeks before having sex.
- Have sex again and see how it helped.
I truly hope this makes a night and day difference for you. If this helps, please comment below and let us now! Things like this should never be kept quiet. No more suffering. Enjoy your sex life again!
MORE RESOURCES
- Natural Birth Essentials
- Vaginal Delivery Recovery Expectations You Need To Have
- Painful Intercourse After Delivery, by OBGYN.net
I developed a granuloma after having a second degree tear during my first delivery. Hormone cream and pelvic floor therapy were my best friends in managing pain.
Glad that you were ale to recover, Clare! How long ago was that for you?